My favorite part of the holiday season is the comfort of family traditions. They are a constant in our ever-changing world, and they highlight our values when we are constantly barraged by advertisements, news, and social media. It turns out, they are not only fun, but good for you too! They strengthen family bonds, offer a sense of belonging, pass on cultural heritage, and connect generations. Research has shown that family rituals are related to healthy emotional skills in children. Psychologists suggest that the predictable nature of traditions causes decreased anxiety in children. Here are some of our favorite traditions:
Carol’s family has had a very traditional Slovak Christmas Eve dinner since long before she was born. Although some of the traditions have changed as some things have been eliminated, it still remains the most important holiday in her family. After a day of no meat being consumed, the dinner is supposed to take place at sundown on Christmas Eve with an extra plate set at the table for Jesus or the traveling stranger who may need a place to eat on that special night. Before the meal begins, each person has a cross of honey put on his forehead to make him sweet throughout the year. Christmas wafers (like communion) are then dipped into honey to remind everyone of the sweetness in life. This ritual is followed by eating a piece of garlic to bring to mind the bitterness in life and to help bring everyone good health. The dinner consists of a very traditional menu including fish, mushroom soup with sauerkraut juice added, sauerkraut and lima bean soup, pierogi, bread balls softened with boiling water and mixed with sautéed sauerkraut, mashed potatoes made with ‘zuprushka’ (onions sautéed in oil) added, and
cooked prunes. Following the meal, a game of Kumpada Naypada could be played. Kumpada Naypada is a game played with nuts in their shell. With one person holding some nuts in their hand, the other person needs to guess ‘kumpada’ (even) or ‘naypada’ (odd). If they are correct, they get the nuts to accumulate and see who gets the most to win.
Theresa’s family has an annual family grab bag with her siblings and extended family. This year will be the 50th consecutive gathering! Her immediate family enjoys getting the Christmas tree together. They started the tradition of cutting down their tree 31 years ago. This is getting more challenging to schedule as her “kids” get older and are out on their own. Her children have their own grab bag every Christmas Eve after they return home from Christmas mass and a nice dinner out. The grab bag is typically followed by a showing of “The Christmas Carol” while they drink egg nog and cider by the fire. On Christmas morning, they gather around the tree for a family brunch (always with cinnamon rolls!) and open presents. Theresa notes that it is customary that they modify at least one tradition every year. This year their grab bag will be held a few weeks before Christmas since her son will be leaving for the Air Force and will not be here for Christmas.
My own traditions start a few weeks before Christmas. We gather around to write our family newsletter. We have a different theme every year; past letters included a Game of Life, Jeopardy, and even Tom Petty lyrics. This year was a letter from our newly rescued dog. On the weeks leading up to Christmas, we always take a trip to see the Lights in the Parkway, then stop to get peppermint ice cream at Ice Cream World. We go to the late church service on Christmas Eve, enjoying the carols and the lighted candles while singing “Silent Night.” On Christmas, we take turns opening gifts, from the youngest to the oldest member of our family, but the highlight is always opening our stockings; each contains an ornament that represents an event in that person’s year. The best part of Christmas is the gathering at my parents’ home. We are blessed that they are both still with us, and we look forward to the one day of the year when my siblings, our children, and my brother’s grandchild can all gather together. There is nothing calm or formal about this day. It starts with a raucous exchange of gifts, appetizers, and chatter. The appetizers always include fried, breaded olives stuffed with meats and cheeses, a specialty of the town of Ascoli Piceno, Italy, where my grandparents were from. Christmas doesn’t end for us until we attend Christ Lutheran Church’s 12th Night festival. If you ever get a chance to attend, do so! The bag pipes alone will help extend the seasonal beauty. We too have had to adapt as my children have grown. We’ve decided to cut back on expenses, so we do a gift exchange using drawnames.com. The mystery of who has drawn our names is now something we spend the month of December trying to deduce.
As is noted from our examples, families change, and we should be flexible enough to change our traditions accordingly. Our children are grown, some married, some living across the country. We are learning to adapt by handing some of our traditions down to them, and by making new ones so that we can still stay connected without passing down guilt and stress. Moreover, we want to teach our children with various communication disorders an element of flexibility, a key executive function.
So, what are your favorite holiday traditions?
LeeAnne Fura, MS, CCC/SLP