One of my favorite personal parenting stories took place when my son was in 3rd or 4th grade. I was at a PTA sub-committee meeting, and several of the parents were very stressed over a project that had been assigned in science. Moreover, they were so convinced that the assignment was above their children’s abilities that they did the assignment for their kids. I went home feeling anxious, but when I asked my son about it, he said, “Don’t worry about it; I got it.” Several days later, he came home with an A. I called the school principal to praise the teacher who recognized my son’s efforts, despite the fact that his outcome was inferior to those projects obviously completed by parents. I wasn’t excited that my son received a good grade, but I was thrilled that he had a teacher who awarded growth mindset.
In 2006, Carol Dweck, of Stanford University introduced what was then a novel concept to those interested in success (and who isn’t?). In her book, Mindset: The New Psychology of Success, Dr. Dweck defined growth mindset as the “belief that most basic abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work.” What? Does this sound obvious? Actually, many people at that time believed strongly in a “fixed mindset”: basic qualities like intelligence or talent as fixed traits. It has only been since the 1990’s, for example, that IQ tests were questioned as generally flawed paradigms of a person’s potential (yet we still use them to qualify students for special needs and gifted services!)
But what does growth mindset have to do with language and communication development? Growth mindset encourages motivation, a love of learning, and resilience. As Carol wrote in our last few blogs, growth mindset is a necessary building block of grit. It is based on the idea that the brain is malleable, and that doing work that is challenging (not impossible) is the way to become smarter. Neuroplasticity, the ability of the brain to form and reorganize synaptic connections especially in response to learning or experience, is itself a relatively new concept, becoming popularly accepted toward the latter part of the 20th century. Despite the fact that scientists and educators have embraced these ideas, many of our clients come to us with fixed mindsets. Students with learning and language disabilities often give up early in their educational careers as they unsuccessfully face challenge after challenge. Experience has shaped their personal identities as having limited potential. Nevertheless, students who have experienced academic failure are probably most in need of switching to a growth mindset.
Parents can unknowingly model a fixed mindset when they react to their children’s mistakes as though they are problematic. These reactions are often a result of our own fears about our children’s futures, about how society judges us by our children’s successes, and by the pressures that government places on our schools for our children with disabilities to achieve at a pace that may not be appropriate for them. Phew! Time to take a deep breath, because all that matters to you and your child is that they are indeed moving forward. Mistakes and failures are actually an opportunity to investigate and identify why the child has not yet learned a concept. If you and your child’s teacher can work in tandem to ascertain the source/s of difficulty, you can encourage your child to try new approaches to the problem.
Some of Carol Dweck’s suggestions on statements to use to encourage our children are:
· When you learn how to do a new kind of problem, it grows your math brain!
· If you catch yourself saying, “I’m not a history person” just add the word “yet” to the end of your sentence.
· That feeling of grammar being hard is the feeling of your brain growing.
· The point isn’t to get it all right away. The point is to grow your understanding step by step. What can you try next?
However, growth mindset is sometimes misused in some academic and home settings. Increased effort by the student is not enough: the student needs strategies; one must know how to most appropriately apply effort. Moreover, students need to learn to ask for help or input from others when they are stuck. Asking your child, “Do you need help?” is NOT helpful! You are teaching your child to rely on your ability to recognize a difficult situation, and that you will step in whenever necessary. Worse, as illustrated in my personal story above, is when you erroneously assume your child needs help, and so you step in without their permission. In order to teach independence, it is better to remind your child (repeatedly) that you are here for them if they need assistance.
Nevertheless, a good start is simply understanding that not knowing how to do something is not a fixed problem but an opportunity for brain and personal growth. I sometimes explain to my clients that if they already know an answer, then their brains aren’t growing. Then they are more accepting of trying new strategies, whether they be related to study skills, written language, or friendship skills. (See Carol’s upcoming blogs on friendship.)
Here are some of my favorite growth mindset videos to share with your child:
· https://www.khanacademy.org/resources/parents-mentors-1/helping-your-child/v/you-can-learn-anything
· https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtKJrB5rOKs
· https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ELpfYCZa87g
The idea of growth mindset applies to us adults as well as to our children. We too can learn new habits and strategies to help our children become better communicators and students despite our past. Moreover, growth mindset and neuroplasticity are important concepts to keep in mind as our children grow into teenagers and young adults entering transition. Change is always possible, and new skills can be learned. The positive aspects and the endless possibilities of a growth mindset are ageless.
-LeeAnne Fura, MS, CCC/SLP