“Have you ever looked at someone and wondered, what is going on inside their head?” The title line of Disney Pixar’s Inside Out (2015) shows our innate human curiosity of understanding others’ emotions. The film takes place inside the brain of an 11-year old girl. Her five core emotions: Joy, Sadness, Anger, Fear, and Disgust must adjust to new life events. Although there are about 27 distinct emotions as of 2020, the film portrayed what the creators believe are five of the most important to highlight in childhood.
According to Dacher Keltner, an emotion expert at University of California Berkeley and consultant on the film, “Emotions are really critical to how we look at the world—our perception and our attention and our memories and our judgment. They guide us in our handling of really important life circumstances.” What happens when one’s perceptions and memories are complicated by the life events that the year 2020 brought? How do we navigate tough conversations and ask our children to explain their emotions when we ourselves are still walking into unchartered territory?
“Kids worry more when they are kept in the dark,” says Ehmke, the managing editor at Child Mind Institute (CMI). We may fear that engaging in conversations would seem worrisome for our kids, but this actually may lead to more distressing feelings. As adults our duty to our children is to allow them to experience a range of emotions and to know that all emotions are important to feel. Koplewicz, president and medical director of CMI states, “Inside Out lets kids—and adults—know that all of our feelings are okay, even the ones that don’t feel very good at the time.” Even though we do not want our children to have to endure feelings such as fear, anger, and sadness, these emotions exist for everyone. The film allows its audience to see that sharing with others how we feel may be the perfect solution. It will not remove the feeling from the present moment or the memory, but it will allow us to share our perspectives and ultimately “feel better.” For the majority of the film the protagonist, “tries to be brave and hide that she’s struggling,” but towards the end understands that, “keeping emotions hidden doesn’t help.”
6 Ways to Talk about Emotions During COVID-19:
Ideas from Pediatric Mental Health Specialists at Child Mind Institute
1. Welcome their questions and don’t avoid questions you can’t answer
· Increase your personal comfort level with saying, “I don’t know.” Although it may seem easier to say things such as, “Everything will be better soon,” teaching children how to tolerate uncertainty is a key to reducing anxiety and building resilience long term.
2. Set the Tone
· “You take on the news, and you’re the person who filters the news to your kid,” says Domingues, a child psychologist at CMI. Conversations are not only opportunities to convey facts but further set the emotional tone of navigating the outcomes.
3. Take Cues from Your Child
· Provide many opportunities to ask questions. Reassure your child that they can tell you anything they may have heard about the pandemic. Always be prepared to answer, not prompt questions.
4. Deal with Your Own Anxieties
· If you just learned of worrisome news, or think it will upset your child (e.g., another canceled event, an exposure) take time to calm yourself down before having the conversation. According to Domingues, “When you’re feeling most anxious -- that isn’t the time to talk to your kids about what’s happening.”
5. Focus on What You're Doing to Stay Safe
· Reassure kids by emphasizing the safety precautions that you and others are taking. “Kids feel empowered when they know what to do to keep themselves safe,” says Howard, a child psychologist at CMI. Involve your kids in your family’s ongoing safety plans. This could mean “letting them choose masks for the family” or picking out soap/sanitizer for hand washing.
6. Lastly, Keep Talking
· “Let them know that the lines of communication are going to be open,” says Domingues. “You can say, ‘Even though we don’t have the answers to everything right now, know that once we know more, mom or dad will let you know, too.’”
In conclusion, although we are all going through a time of unprecedented events, it is essential that children understand that any of their emotions are accepted and valued by the adults around them. Children need to know that any of the various emotions that they may feel at any given point in time is acceptable and that they should feel comfortable in experiencing the emotion and discussing it if they feel the need. In the words of Fred Rogers, “When we can talk about our feelings, they become less overwhelming, less upsetting, and less scary. The people we trust with that important talk can help us know that we’re not alone.”
Guest Student Blogger: Taylor Iannotta, New York University
Judd, W. (2015, July 08). A Conversation With the Psychologist Behind 'Inside Out'. Retrieved from https://psmag.com/social-justice/a-conversation-with-psychologist-behind-inside-out
Ehmke, R. (2020, May 11). Talking to Kids About the Coronavirus Crisis. Retrieved from https://childmind.org/article/talking-to-kids-about-the-coronavirus/
Koplewicz, H. . (2016, February 09). What Kids (and Parents) Will Learn From 'Inside Out' Retrieved from https://childmind.org/blog/what-kids-and-parents-will-learn-from-inside-out/