We’ve all seen it: the family sitting at a restaurant, but instead of enjoying each other’s company, each member is on their telephones. Or maybe you’ve stopped to talk to a friend you ran into at a store, and your kids immediately reach for their devices rather than listen or engage in the conversation. Maybe your teen is unable to start his homework because he’s too busy playing video games. We click our tongues and ask ourselves what is happening to our society…until we catch ourselves using our devices in front of the people we care about or in place of work that needs to be completed.
It is true that we can now connect with old friends, join in a group chat even though we are miles apart, read news that is currently unfolding, and interact with people around the globe. Yet employers complain that young employees are unable to communicate via telephone. Teachers complain that students are unable to track their homework unless it is posted on the internet. Parents complain that children no longer know how to have a conversation with their friends. And the list goes on…but is it true? Let’s take a look at some of the evidence.
In 2014, researchers at Virginia Tech found that the mere visibility of a mobile device lowers the empathy exchanged between two friends. This was true even when age, gender, ethnicity and mood were accounted for. The devices did not have to be held, ringing or even on, just visible. That, my friends, is mind-blowing.
Although there are many individual examples of non-verbal persons benefiting from technology in learning to communicate, Yalda Uhls, a researcher in developmental psychology with the Children’s Digital Media Center in Los Angeles observed, “For a child who is comfortable socially, [technology] will not change their ability to interact, and they’ll use this tool as a way to get even more social. And a child who’s not naturally comfortable socially may turn to these screens to interact, and they won’t get practice [face to face].” As a matter of fact, Norman Nie, director of the Stanford Institute for the Quantitative Study of Society, found that for every hour people spent using the internet, their face-to-face contact fell by 24 minutes.
Not only may we be decreasing our personal interactions because of screen time, we are most likely replacing personal interactions because we are losing the ability to converse face-to-face. MIT Professor Sherry Turkle, author of Alone Together,andReclaiming Conversation, believes that we’ve become afraid of revealing ourselves to each other in face-to-face talk. Texting allows us to edit our thoughts and present a more “perfect” version of ourselves. Social media itself is used as a way to present our best side to our friends and the public, (which has been shown to lead to depression and anxiety because we compare ourselves to a false ideal).
Despite our increasing fear of face-to-face conversations, we often misinterpret texts and emails, because we do not have tone-of-voice or body language to aid us in interpreting the message. That wink or gesture can let the listener know if the speaker is kidding, annoyed or calm. Frequently, we don’t even have the ability to immediately clarify misinformation before the damage is done. We may ask for clarification, but our messaging partner has walked away from their device, causing us to stew over a misinterpreted message.
Even more alarming, we need to be concerned about our use of technology because a careless word can get us fired or expelled. We all need to be more mindful of our words, because we can lose our reputations faster than ever before. In today’s world, the words of Dale Carnegie, “Don’t criticize, condemn or complain” really ring true, because your private messages can become public in an instant. It wouldn’t hurt if we taught our children to use social media and other technology platforms to give compliments only. Bur first, we have to teach them how to give compliments!
Additionally, Professor Turkle reports that 40% of teenagers never unplug: not during a religious service, not when studying, not even when sleeping. As many parents have read, the average adolescent should get two more hours of sleep per night than they actually do. A major culprit is the smart phone. Without the necessary sleep, health, friendships, sports, and academics can suffer.
When we look at youngsters, we find parents are interacting less with their toddlers, and substituting devices as “learning opportunities.” Children younger than 2 years old do not benefit from devices when they use them independently. As a general guideline, alwaysuse technology alongside your young children while interacting with them. For more ideas on non-technology interactions, please refer to Carol’s blogs on the importance of play.
There are many articles from the field of neuropsychology expressing deep concern about how our technology use will change our brains and our ability to interact with others, regulate our emotions, and quickly repair miscommunication. It is up to us to make conscious choices about the way we and our children use technology. In upcoming blogs, we’ll take a look at the subject in more detail. In the meantime, we'd love to hear your thoughts on this topic.
LeeAnne Fura, MS, CCC/SLP