Social Skills During the Summer Months

This is a guest post from one of our summer speech language pathology interns>

Summer is such an exciting and busy time for everyone. Children are ready to play - and parents are too. So, what happens to those social skills you and your child have been working so hardon over the school year? Don’t fret! There is no need to focus on “work” during summer vacation. Here are some fun social activities that focus on “play”. 

Make a Summer Treat 

●     Working in the kitchen with your child is such a great place to share perspectives, talk about your days, and enjoy each other’s company. 

●     Following recipes helps build skills associated with understanding directions, asking questions, and requesting help

●     BONUS: If it’s nice outside - pack up and head out to your favorite park (or even your backyard) and enjoy a picnic.

Long Vacation?

●     Summer Postcards

○     A great way to practice a multitude of skills (social skills, language skills, handwriting, etc.) is to have your child write postcards to themselves while on vacation. Throughout the week, help your child to identify their favorite activities of the day or something they want to remember about their trip. Have them write on a postcard, “Dear Me,” and mail it home. Not only is it expanding skills, it’s something to look forward to even though your vacation is over.

●     Long Drives 

○     Are you dreading how many times you’ll hear the infamous “are we there yet?” from the backseat? Here are some of my all-time favorite car ride games to avoid those questions while still working on language skills:

■     I Spy: Take turns saying “I spy with my little eye something…” and fill in with a characteristic of an object that is visible. This game is a wonderful opportunity to have children use elaborative skills (shapes, colors, uses, etc) without giving away the actual term/object they are referencing. 

■     ABC Game:Find words on billboards or road signs that start with each letter of the alphabet. You can’t move onto the next letter until you’ve found a word.

●     PS: Good Luck with Q, X and Z! 

■     License Plate Game: This game is a great chance for perspective taking. The challenge is to find the license plate from the farthest state. Talk about the different License Plates you see, and how far away that car must have traveled to be where they are now. It’s fun and easy to make guesses about where they are going, and why.

Rainy Day? 

●     Cuddle up with a movie or a book. Watching movies isn’t the most active way to pass time during the summer months, but it’s a great opportunity for conversations when everyone needs some down time. It’s an awesome way to incorporate their language goals into an activity that they enjoy: 

○     Discuss after: 

■     Social Language & Perspective Taking: Have everyone identify their favorite parts and explain why they liked them. Comparing those parts can help with perspective taking and increase social language at the same time.

■     Elements of a Story (aka Story Grammar): Have them come up with an alternative ending. Let them use their imaginations to end the movie how they would want. 

■     Making Predictions: Occasionally pause the movie or stop reading, and have your child predict what might happen. At the end of the movie or book, ask your child if they think there will be a sequel. If so, what do they think it would be about?

○     Another great way to use movies to practice language skills is to find a movie based off of a book. Read the book and watch the movie together - this sets up the perfect “Compare & Contrast” activity.

Read, Read, Read 

●     Book Club

○     Does your child love to read? Creating a book club with your child’s friends is a great opportunity to get your child to meet up with friends over summer. You can read the book to the group, or everyone can take turns reading if they are comfortable doing so. Be prepared with some discussion questions to initiate conversations. 

These are all great ways to incorporate expansion of social language skills into activities you will most likely already be doing this summer. Get creative!

Katharyn Bannar

I WANT TO BELONG! HOW CAN I BE A PART OF THE GROUP?

“They won’t let me play!” “They are all mean to me!” “They are playing dumb games!” “They are all stupid!”  “I don’t want to play with them, anyway!” These are the types of statements I have heard clients using when they really want to be a part of group activities but are unable to figure out how to do so. 

Knowing how to join a group is an important skill both in social and academic situations.  It is important to be able to start basic conversations as LeeAnne talked about in her last blog.  If someone does not know how to start conversations or carry on conversations with peers, the ability to engage with peers in group situations will be a challenge.  Once people are able to relate to individuals, participating in groups becomes a bit easier as they have already acquired some of the basic skills needed to relate to people on a one-to-one basis.  As I’ve mentioned before, however, the group dynamics add “layers” to the interactions as they require the ability to interact with each of the individuals along with knowing how to deal with the interactions between all of the other group participants. What a challenge!    

Making an informed decision about a type of group to join is very important.  What kinds of groups should be considered? 

Which types of groups may be appropriate? 

·       Small or large groups?

·       Large groups?

·       Clubs?

·       Teams?

·       Classes?

·       Peer-led or adult-led?

·       Structured or unstructured?

·       Groups with familiar or unfamiliar peers?

What kinds of activities should be considered?

·       Is there familiarity with the activity or the topic? If there is no or limited familiarity, it would be helpful to gain more knowledge.  

·       Is the activity of interest? If there is no interest, finding another group would make it easier to learn more and engage. 

·       How structured is the activity? More structured activities could be easier to engage in as there is less variability in the interactions.    

·       Is there a knowledge/understanding of the rules and expectations?  If the group is engaging in games or sports, understanding the rules and how aspects could vary is extremely important.  With groups of peers that are just “hanging out”, it is important to be aware of the group dynamics and expectations such as:

o   Appropriate topics to discuss

o   Group hierarchies

o   Common interests and experiences

o   How to dress to fit in rather than stand out

How many participants are in the group? Larger groups would be harder to navigate (depending on the activity) as mentioned above due to the complexities of relationships and interactions.   

Does the group seem open to having others join in?  Recognizing and interpreting the body language of the people in the group can give important clues as to whether there would be acceptance of someone else joining. 

Do the people in the group reflect our own values?  If people have different religious, political values, or ways of treating/interacting with others, it may affect our success in the group.

After choosing an appropriate group, what are some things to do to get to be a part of the group? In addition to considering some of the things that were mentioned above, these are some other things that can be done: 

·       Try to engage individually with someone who seems friendly and open so there is at least a connection to someone in the group

·       Observe the group while showing interest in what the group is doing.  This could include making positive comments about what people are doing, complimenting people in the group, cheering people on, and possibly asking questions (at appropriate times) to find out more about the activity or topic.

·       Use body language that indicates that you want to be a part of the group.   Upright posture that looks self-assured without being unusual along with using eye gaze/contact will demonstrate confidence and interest.  Using a friendly expression along with a clear voice and message will also help demonstrate your interest.

·       Determine some things you may have in common with others in the group

·       Do some research about the activity or topic

·       Develop a variety of interests and be open to trying new things

·       Practice skills in familiar, comfortable situations such as with family members or other comfortable peers.   Family conversations during meals, weekly meetings, while in the car, etc. can be great times to practice the language and interaction skills needed to become a part of groups. Engaging in board games and outdoor games/activities will help us to understand how to play, take turns, listen, deal with rules, become a good sport (being able to deal with not being the “best” or even losing are important skills!) and interact appropriately.    

·       Wait for a break in the activities or conversation to try to join.  This may be by asking to join or play or by asking questions or making comments to show interest.  

·       Be willing to accept if you are not accepted in the group at a particular time.  Think of reasons someone may be kept from joining in a group activity:

o   Issues that have occurred between you and the group or someone in the group previously

o   There may already be enough participants for the game or task

o   The skill-level of the group may be different than your skill level

o   The group may already be a team

o   The group may be close-knit and are not willing to accept someone else to join them.  (A clique?)

o   Your language (both verbal and non-verbal) may be sending a different message than you intend to send

As Winnie-the-Pooh said, “You can’t stay in your corner of the Forest waiting for others to come to you.  You have to go to them sometimes.”  Joining a group often takes some detective work in order to be successful.  One must be willing to observe, interpret, listen, learn, show flexibility, and …go to them.  Look for my next blog on how to successfully remain part of a group. 

Carol A. Walck, MS, CCC-SLP 

What Is a Friend?

Is a friend someone we just met? Someone who is in our class (even though they don’t speak to us!)? Someone we met a long time ago? Someone we used to play with or hang out with but no longer see? Someone our sibling is friends with?  Someone we play on-line video games with but have never spoken to? Knowing our clients’ definitions of “friend” is often a great place to start when supporting them to develop friendships. 

So, what is a “friend”?  According to Natalie Madorsky Elman, Ph.D and Eileen Kennedy-Moore, Ph.D. (The Unwritten Rules of Friendship:  Simple Strategies to Help Your Child Make Friends), there are 3 kinds of friends: acquaintances, friends, and close friends. 

            Acquaintances are people you have met, know casually but have not really spent a great deal of time with; however you feel they are nice, and would be someone to get to know better and possibly be friends with.

            A friend is someone you know better than an acquaintance, may occasionally spend time with, and have some things in common with.    

            A close friend is someone you have probably known for a long time, enjoy spending time with more than other people, have spent a lot of time with, and have been to one another’s homes.      

Based on a post that was written by Marc Chernoff (15 Things Real Friends Do Differently, Marc and Angel Hack Life:  Practical Tips for Productive Living, http://www.marcandangel.com/2012/04/23/15-things-real-friends-do-differently/), these are things that “real friends” do differently:

1.    Face problems together

2.    Give what they can to each other because they care; have a ‘give and take’ relationship

3.    Make time for each other because they want to spend time together

4.    Offer each other freedom to do things on their own

5.    Communicate effectively with one another to be able to discuss things that could be a part of the relationship: both positives and negatives

6.    Accept each other for who they are; they do not change who they are or expect anyone else to change

7.    Be genuine with one another;  be honest, open, and aware of each other’s feelings; do not lie or cheat

8.    Compromise with one another

9.    Support each other through changes in your interests, lives, etc.

10. Believe in one another by supporting each other: dreams, hobbies, etc.  Encourage one another

11. Have realistic expectations of their relationship

12. Honor each other through kindness and gratitude

13. Listen to one another

14. Keep promises

15. Stick around for each other

Steven E. Gutstein and Rachel K. Sheely (Relationship Development Intervention with Children, Adolescents, and Adults: Social and Emotional Development Activities for Asperger Syndrome, Autism, PDD and NLD) stated that good friends:

Ø  Demonstrate happiness when they see one another

Ø  Are able to make one another smile and laugh

Ø  Enjoy playing the same things

Ø  Do not try to boss or control each other

Ø  Play fairly without cheating

Ø  Stay engaged in activities rather than walking away

Ø  Demonstrate that people in general are more important than things

Ø  Place their friendship above having to win or get their own way

How does your child define “friend”?  Look for our upcoming blogs about friendships!

Carol A. Walck, MS, CCC-SLP