So many of our clients have been taught to start a conversation by finding out about their potential conversational partner’s interest. Picture this: a 9-year-old boy walks up to a peer that they admire and says, “Do you like the color blue?” The peer is taken aback, but responds, “Sure.” End of conversation.
First of all, we usually don’t start a conversation by finding out what someone likes. We typically get that information as we develop our dialogue and acquaintance. Moreover, try your best to start a conversation with an open-ended question or a general statement. Asking a closed or yes/no question is a conversation killer. It has nowhere else to go. Finally, don’t forget a simple greeting. “Hi,” “Hey,” or “How’s it going” work just fine.
It's important to not only teach your children how to start a conversation, but to practice the various options over the dinner table, with trusted friends and relatives, and then with acquaintances. These are a few openers to consider practicing:
1. Give someone a compliment and then ask a related question. Ex: “Those are great shoes. Where did you get them?”
2. Comment on something in the immediate environment, especially if it is something pleasant. Ex: “What a cute dog!”
3. Brush up on current events. Ex: “Did you hear about…?” If your child does not take the initiative to research what’s in the news, begin to discuss these topics at the dinner table or on their way to soccer practice.
4. Refer to previous conversations: Ex: “How did that cooking class go?” This skill requires the listener to pay attention, and to be able to recall information that someone has shared with them. The big pay-off is that people feel valued when you remember trivia about them.
5. Comment on the weather. This is an oldie, but goody. Ex: “I am so sick of snow! I can’t wait until I can run in the park again. How about you?”
6. Solicit an opinion (on a topic that is not too controversial!). Ex: “What did you think of that test?” However, the golden rule of not bringing up politics, religion, etc. as a conversation starter remains golden.
7. Bring up a shared experience. Ex: “Maria’s party was so much fun!”
8. A special event, such as a holiday, an award show, or a sporting event. Ex: “What team did you choose to win March Madness?”
9. Ask what the person has been up to since the last time you talked. This can be as simple as “What’s up? Or “Anything new with you?”
After you start the conversation, try to keep it going. Ask questions. Make sure your partner gets the chance to talk at least as much, if not more than you. As Carol pointed out in a previous blog, pay attention to what your partner is saying, and less on what you want to say.
Next week, look for Carol’s blog on joining a group.
-LeeAnne Fura, MS, CCC/SLP